How do I love the,let me diagnose thy ways
by lovehim1024
Summary: House bones and Thirteen Hodgins AU,very ooc,rated T for language and gross content.
1. Chapter 1

How do I love the.... Let me diagnose thy ways

A house/bones fanfic

It all started when she met him.

He had brought in a dead patient that had a stab wound through the heart. "He was murdered about an hour ago,we were just about to start him on chemo. we came into his room to find it ransacked and the stabbed victim in a mangled pile on the bloody floor." House told the gorgeous woman before him. "I'm Dr. Brennan,but my friends call me Bones."she said in a calm,sweet voice "Who are you sir?" "My name is Dr. House,I work at the hospital about a mile and a half from here. Pleased to meet you Bones. by the way,why do they call you that?"he said,puzzled and amazed by this beautiful woman with a scary nickname,he hoped she was as friendly as she seemed. She chuckled, "I'm a forensic specialist and have never taken a day off because I truly love my work." Brennan said grinning softly. "Oh and this is my Right-Hand-Man,Booth." "How do you do, Dr. House?" the slightly chubby, brunette man asked politely. "Fine and thank you."he replied. "This is my assistant,she goes by the name of Thirteen." "I'm pleased to meet you Mr. …......Booth isn't it" she said. "You to Ms. Thirteen"

House,who was very irritated* , sighed and said through clenched teeth "Okay, now that we all know each other,can we get back to the body,please?" Bones laughed and said " I agree, time we got to work on determining the murderer here!" they all laughed and took the body into the lab, then Bones and House got talking and agreed to meet for coffee the next morning at 10 am at the cafe called "Rush Hour" and both agreed that they enjoyed their little talk. House left that day thinking "Wow she is amazing, I can't wait to get to know her better!" and Brennan thought "this is going to be so much fun!" while she worked on performing the autopsy of the victim.

(Authors Note: I know House and Bones are VERY OOC but that's how I had planned it. Next chapter- The Date. * surprise surprise! XD


	2. The Date

How do I love the, let me diagnose thy ways-chapter 2- the date

They met at the cafe as planned. Booth and Thirteen, both jealous of the new affection in their co-worker's lives, followed them at a distance. The two planned on sabotaging the date. Booth gave her a disguise and he had one. The two were dressed as bikers.

" Booth, are you SURE this will work?" asked a nervous Thirteen.

"Positive, it always does. Don't worry about a thing."

" I still don't like the idea, get him in a fight with you to make her see how rude and cruel he is... granted, he is a freaking gorilla in fights, and will start one with anybody who catches him in a bad mood, but how do I know she doesn't like guys like that?"

" Because I've worked with her for years! She likes nice,funny, romantic, science nerds with guns."

"Oh really,implying something much?"

"Hey shut it before we're caught!"

"Hey House, did you hear something?" Bones asks while enjoying a cinnamon s'more mocha latte.

"No, why? Are you okay, you look nervous."

"I'm fine, just cold," she said. Mind you it was 40 degrees and Bones doesn't like the cold.

"Ah,okay."House replies handing her his jacket,"Is that better?"

"Thanks, you're a good guy!" the happy woman says.

"Hey freak," said a disguised Booth in a low, husky, mean voice, "we don't like you here,Gregory House! Get out of my cafe!"

"Why, coward, should I?'

"If you don't, I'll kill you."

The two get into a major fight, causing security to kick them out. Later Bones is at her lab with Hodjins,working on the body. "The broken, twisted leg bones were probably twisted with the same screw-driver that is the murder weapon. I found it under the victim's tie, stained with blood. Do a DNA match up on the blood from inside the victim and the blood on the weapon. Then find who's fingerprints are on the screw-driver. I'll inform you if I find out anything else."

"Okay, not a problem!" replied the sweaty, confused man who'd been working himself to death all day. Bones goes to her office, where Booth is. They talk about the murder case, and when she mentions House, he curses and leaves muttering.

(A/N) Good so far, huh? Give me ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!! review please! Next Chapter: Revealed Murderer and a Love Triangle for Bones. They're not that OOC this time are they? Tell me what you think!


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